encounters

(published: may 31, 2010)

since i was a kid, i had been experiencing things that were of ghastly nature. growing up, i shared a room with my ma since i couldn’t sleep on my own.  she would at times ask me why all of a sudden i would be jolted awake.  i could only answer that it was as if i fell down from floating in the air.  i would also, out of nowhere, say that i could smell an “ayok” (surigaonon term for a creature that feeds on humans). ma would just stay silent- she would neither reprimand nor encourage me.

being the youngest and the only rose, i would be tasked to wash the dishes after dinner. after doing so, i would run from switching all the lights off in the washing, cooking and dining areas of the house to the living room.  i could feel that somebody was running close behind, that my hairs at my nape were all standing up! all of these i had to endure for about 2 decades.

when i was sent off to college, i’d never bathe in the cubicles when nobody else was around coz i had this unexplainable feeling that when i open my eyes, i would see somebody else with me.  late at night, i would sing christian songs in my mind to lull myself to sleep. my eyes opened wide when another voice, also in my head, joined me. when i confided to my roomate, she said that maybe He wanted to assure me that “He will make a way, when there seems to be no way”…

during my 6-month countryside integration before my debut, i went to this hilltop area wherein there really weren’t plenty of comfort rooms, you just had to relax yourself and to answer nature’s call behind bushes.  while doing so, i looked back and i saw this tiny “nipa” hut which door was opened but i could not see anything past it coz it seemed so dark inside.  when i went back to the house where we were staying, i could smell delicious food being cooked somewhere else.  i then jokingly asked the hostess if their neighbor were inviting us for dinner later. she was surprised and said that the next house was in another barangay, that you would still have to go down the slope, cross a river and climb another mountain.  i just smiled and shrugged it all off.

when i went home to surigao to continue my college education, i had to rent a room for convenience.  i would be pasing time lying in bed and out of nowhere, a male voice would call out my name.  i’d simply go out of my room and stay in the sala to avoid that experience being repeated.  after ma’s retirement, we went home to her hometown and this time, that voice was that of my brother.

after ma died, the water in the washing machine tub turned bloody or muddy even though the bedsheet that was soaked was used only for the 24-hour period that was required before a body gets embalmed. when my maternal cousin came to inspect it, the water was clear.  i could also smell flowers when i hung the clothes to dry.  when we were about to sleep after the last night of prayers, we were all camped in the living room when we heard the dishes being thrown and broken. we all closed our eyes hoping that light will soon come.  ma’s sister then inspected the round table first thing in the morning and found that the kitchen and dining utencils were all arranged the way we left them the previous night.

after i went to manila, things were normal again but went haywire when i started reading yourghoststories.com.  one midshift, i was waiting for an elevator ride. i was on break then. while waiting for the elevator, i noticed a dark silhouette of a woman who passed by me into the locker area. i was focused on the floor but then, i alarmingly looked up coz i did not notice the elevator door to open. it’s as if she floated through the door.  also, my workstation kept rebooting even if i was simply typing to notate the necessary things that my caller was saying. i stopped going to the website and things calmed down.

i currently rent a bedspace and my bunk is on the second deck.   while grooming myself in front of the mirror, i could see a reflection of a woman-child staring at me from the foot of my bed. she wasn’t angry or anything, she was just merely watching me.  right now, a huge stuffed toy (which i named tiny) is lying on that part of the bed. just the other afternoon, i asked my landlady’s niece if her uncle was in the other room because i could see a man with his back  turned against me, walking around half-naked. it turned out that she was also having dreams of her long-deceased grandfather.

these and more things had been happening to me. i would not shout for fear that these spirits or creatures would get mad at me so even if my heart races and palpitates, i would simply stare, smell and run away.  i also have this mole in my left eye, which friends and close relative attribute these experiences to.  i don’t mind them, just as long as no harm comes to me.

Gadget swap galore

There came a time in my life when i couldn’t leave the house without my ever-trusted Samsung Z560 and slim PSP. I would pass boredom off by non-stop texting and playing games as well as listening to music and shooting pictures with both gadgets. I wouldn’t be able to sleep without making sure that those two are within reach and after i recharge myself, i also make sure that my two bestfriends’ power supply are replenished.

I still use those but i’m much more comfortable with my LG KM555e and Nintendo DSi. I prefer to carry with me my clubby because of its free facebook mobile app (thanks to Globe! haha) and the DSi because eventhough it’s a lot more lighter in weight, it kicks when it comes to games with audio apps.

Right now i’m looking forward to getting myself crazed with the ever famous iOS. 

So, if somebody is interested with swapping their iOS gadget for some of mine, please do not hesitate to leave a comment or to contact me. I wouldn’t mind splurging on such items even if it means adding a reasonable amount of cash.

flightless bird

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I’m a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

 this song was played at the end of the TWILIGHT movie where edward danced with bella in their prom. if im not mistaken, this was in the background when bella asked edward to make her “one of them” but, edward refused knowing that being a teenager forever is quite tiresome and boring- when you have everything, what else is there to wish and want for? immortality negates life and love’s purpose- meaning.

the music is great but the lyrics lead me nowhere. the artist sure did a hell of a job symbolizing every line. it’s like jumping from one thing to another when you listen closely to the words yet the more i listened to it, the better i came to understanding this song.

this is more like fulfilling the great american dream- leaving one’s small town to go to the city with dreams of building an established future in terms of a solid city career and of finding love’s luck as well. who wouldn’ want to go back to his hometown bringing trophies of his achievements in the big city?but, harsh as reality bites, one must be open that not everything that he hopes for will materialize. one may spend all his lifetime trying to realize his dreams but, in the end, when everything has passed him by, he can only look back and wonder if all he did was worth all that he’s got. 

FIND ME

(published March 12, 2011)

I lost early in life..But i really didn’t have much to begin with.

The person who’d have been the first to fight for me left me at the mercy of the lions. I have lived in constant fear- fear of letting my thoughts escape my mouth which maybe the reason why i’m more of a writer than a speaker. I tried to hide my weaknesses coz they’d just use those to break down my stonewall of defenses- loud on the outside but broken down on the inside. When i finally got to understand myself better, it felt good to bare my soul open only to be caught up by the fact that who and what i wanted to be is an impossibility. Until now, my heart isn’t really acquainted with what the meaning of trust is. I take a day at a time, in total submission to what awaits me in my bleak future. A little earlier, my subconscious let slip- longing for somebody who’s no longer there. So everyday i tread blindly but alas! The two things i would have lived for are beyond me. This mediocre existence of my being waits for darkness to come for i can’t even gallantly push this broken bottleneck deep into my heart.

So i bleed… I continue to breathe and subtly plea for my dream to finally find me..

08 holidays

It is tradition for the Filipino people to have close family ties. It has been a common practice, generation after generation, for families to hold reunions especially on holidays- with the members on long vacation leaves and because all are looking forward to added merriment.

i was lucky to have spent the previous holidays outside the office. me and my siblings spent the first part of xmas eve with our maternal first cousin, jinky frias in general trias, cavite and the latter part with our paternal aunt, edna guarin in las piñas city 

in las piñas, we shared the festivities with her family and that of her twin sister’s, edda cledera. we also met up with vonbar as well as his daughter, kristin. new year’s eve was spent in antipolo with aunt edda’s family. vonbar and kristin were also there along with her nanny.

we then later went with vonbar to his maternal aunt in legaspi tower of pasay. there we spent the rest of the day playing cards and getting boozed up. i had to sneak into the office knowing the guards might not let me in if they smell the not so “teen spirit” in me.

it was the first time in many years that me and my siblings spent the holidays with the above-mentioned relatives since we only moved to luzon a few years back.  rarely do i go to their houses because what little time i have left from my days off, i spend sleeping.

the xmas and new year holidays gave me and my family a means of catching up with tidbits of our daily lives as well as milestones. the food was great and the drinks were flowing, but what really made it worth our while was the bonding and what etched it in our memories were the laughter that we shared with people who are not so different from us- in terms of DNA makeup.

after all, birds of the same feather- are the same birds. haha!