an open letter

i can still recall vividly when i first received a text from you.  i was lonely and lonesome for the only true friend that i had just passed away.  we had sleepless nights together on opposite sides of the province; texting till dawn broke. 

you came just when i needed someone to pour my heart out to; you brought me back to my feet when i started to doubt myself. 

we had so many plans- you and i.  but, we also had big differences that seemed irreconcilable.  our paternal ancestral house was a witness to our first eb. my relatives accepted you as one of our own but, your family felt the opposite. 

our prides were greater than our love.  it hurt the most when i could see you slowly drifting away and i know i caused you a lot of pain when i vented out my frustrations on you.  i made you the center of my universe- my world revolved around you that i started to feel broken and in pieces when we were not together. i would throw tantrums and easily lose my temper, making you wish you hadn’t bothered to see me.  i was a silent witness to your tears because even though the sorry word wanted to jump out of my throat, i could not bring myself to terms that i was at fault and you were not.

indecisions, immaturity and pride killed what little love you had left for me. it has been more than a week that we last saw each other, which parting proved disastrous.i exploded at the least provocation and you walked out on me again.

i had a lot of thinking during this last week as i spent most of my days-off alone. 

your birthday nears… and i’m walking away.   i wish you hadn’t met me. i wish i had the power of undoing the mistakes in our past, but i am just human as we all are.  if only i could backtrack my steps, i’d make it so that i could pick up the shattered glasses that made your heart bleed.  if i could hug you one last time and tell you that i’m happy for you as you have matured a year more.

but  i’m walking away as everything i touch becomes damaged.  i’m taking the first step away from where we used to be so that in time, i can be whole again and it would be sweet if i can still find you there when my heart beats anew.

happy birthday…