bedspace, anyone?

i have these 4 amazingly annoying roomates. i’ve given them petnames- queen bee, sheryl cruz,it girl and shunda. let me introduce them to you.  queen bee is the evil witch personified. sheryl cruz is the spoiled brat of the century. it girl is the fashion addict. shunda is the leader of the cult.

redundant, isn’t it? to say the queen bee is evil and witch… she really is. there was a time when, out of good nature, i offered to pay for her fast-food meal, she declined saying that it would have been ok if i were rick. ok, im poor but there’s no need to rub it in. on the other side, maybe she was only concerned. i let it go then.  she also asked if my globe-locked samsung z560 was china-made.  i said no, it was from a globe business center. hays! she would also turn off the air fans even if i was eating and it’s summertime.  imagine me sweating in front of the table.  she would also turn her casette’s volume up even if she knows i was sleeping, doesn’t even care coz she works days and i work nights.  she also threatened the landlady that if i don’t go, they would all go. duh! that was last year, we are still living in the same boarding house and in the same room. she acts like an angel in front of other people, but she lets the devil incarnate loose when she’s within the confines of our room. she says her family rose from rags to riches, i mean chicharon to 3-storey house with lots of cars, claiming that her mommy and daddy makes it a point to cook elegant and delicious food when she’s at home.  who cares?  she also bragged about a chatmate/bf who hails from her hometown, whom she met online, an rn, has houses in their hometown, in canada, and in australlia. said rn bf was set to arrive last february, moved to march and finally rescheduled to april.  it’s now about to turn june and she has this alibi that all along, her bf is in haiti doing volunteer work. really now!

here comes sheyl cruz, the celebrity brat.  she’s in a “long-time” same-sex relationship.  she brags that her dyke is so “macho-gwapito” that everywhere they go, romnick would draw attention and second looks. ok, good.  she also says that romnick has a high position in a laguna-based factory (an inspector) and shows off that her mate has a loan-financed motorbike purchase.  ok, good for them, im happy for them. what im not happy about is that she constantly tells me that my gf will leave me if i didn’t have a job, that i shouldn’t let my girl manage my finances, unlike her- holding romnick’s atm card coz they’ve been together for a long time now.well, to each his own. she would pointlessly say that call center jobs are not stable and turns snug when i say that the company incentives are good, benefits are ok and that we have this yearly appraisal. when i intentionally gave the hr her contact number and she was initially interviewed over that phone, she said the line was choppy and changed numbers. conincidence? oh, by the way, she’s under contract by an agency, doing some bpo accounting works and is nota regular employee. she’s also always late in paying for her bedspace and she makes everyone else her slave, she doesn’t participate in maintaining cleanliness, not even her own space.  romnick would stay in the room for a number of days and is so loud when i’m resting/sleeping. sheryl would warn me to tiptoe in the room if romnick is sleeping. ironic?

and now (drum roll), it girl in the house! she worked herself through a 2 year education and is now working in this it company that they (said roomates) all say offers generous pay.  she started this rumor that the niece of my landlady stole her doll shoes and managed to retrieve it only when shunda intervened. when i asked the niece, she told me that she borrowed the shoes, thinking it was sheryl’s.  she keeps on making “parinig” that all 4 of them were to go to a summer trip, without inviting me and my girl.  rainy days are near, no signs of asummer rendezvouz for these wonderfully irritating ladies. a few months ago, she bought this tribal blouse and put it on top of my bag. i think you all know why.

and now comes, shunda- a senior citizen, whose menopausal and only child is in the room right now, creating havoc while she’s at the office. she is partners in crime with queen bee and is financially dependent on the latter. she asks me about money matters which i honestly answer and has asked my girl if our sm purchases are covered by my credit card.  god! what the hell are they all thinking?

these ladies are getting to my nerves. everyday, it’s such a struggle to see them. i only have this space to express my continuing contempt for  all 4 of them.  if i don’t, the knots in my head will all turn loose. help me, god.

encounters

(published: may 31, 2010)

since i was a kid, i had been experiencing things that were of ghastly nature. growing up, i shared a room with my ma since i couldn’t sleep on my own.  she would at times ask me why all of a sudden i would be jolted awake.  i could only answer that it was as if i fell down from floating in the air.  i would also, out of nowhere, say that i could smell an “ayok” (surigaonon term for a creature that feeds on humans). ma would just stay silent- she would neither reprimand nor encourage me.

being the youngest and the only rose, i would be tasked to wash the dishes after dinner. after doing so, i would run from switching all the lights off in the washing, cooking and dining areas of the house to the living room.  i could feel that somebody was running close behind, that my hairs at my nape were all standing up! all of these i had to endure for about 2 decades.

when i was sent off to college, i’d never bathe in the cubicles when nobody else was around coz i had this unexplainable feeling that when i open my eyes, i would see somebody else with me.  late at night, i would sing christian songs in my mind to lull myself to sleep. my eyes opened wide when another voice, also in my head, joined me. when i confided to my roomate, she said that maybe He wanted to assure me that “He will make a way, when there seems to be no way”…

during my 6-month countryside integration before my debut, i went to this hilltop area wherein there really weren’t plenty of comfort rooms, you just had to relax yourself and to answer nature’s call behind bushes.  while doing so, i looked back and i saw this tiny “nipa” hut which door was opened but i could not see anything past it coz it seemed so dark inside.  when i went back to the house where we were staying, i could smell delicious food being cooked somewhere else.  i then jokingly asked the hostess if their neighbor were inviting us for dinner later. she was surprised and said that the next house was in another barangay, that you would still have to go down the slope, cross a river and climb another mountain.  i just smiled and shrugged it all off.

when i went home to surigao to continue my college education, i had to rent a room for convenience.  i would be pasing time lying in bed and out of nowhere, a male voice would call out my name.  i’d simply go out of my room and stay in the sala to avoid that experience being repeated.  after ma’s retirement, we went home to her hometown and this time, that voice was that of my brother.

after ma died, the water in the washing machine tub turned bloody or muddy even though the bedsheet that was soaked was used only for the 24-hour period that was required before a body gets embalmed. when my maternal cousin came to inspect it, the water was clear.  i could also smell flowers when i hung the clothes to dry.  when we were about to sleep after the last night of prayers, we were all camped in the living room when we heard the dishes being thrown and broken. we all closed our eyes hoping that light will soon come.  ma’s sister then inspected the round table first thing in the morning and found that the kitchen and dining utencils were all arranged the way we left them the previous night.

after i went to manila, things were normal again but went haywire when i started reading yourghoststories.com.  one midshift, i was waiting for an elevator ride. i was on break then. while waiting for the elevator, i noticed a dark silhouette of a woman who passed by me into the locker area. i was focused on the floor but then, i alarmingly looked up coz i did not notice the elevator door to open. it’s as if she floated through the door.  also, my workstation kept rebooting even if i was simply typing to notate the necessary things that my caller was saying. i stopped going to the website and things calmed down.

i currently rent a bedspace and my bunk is on the second deck.   while grooming myself in front of the mirror, i could see a reflection of a woman-child staring at me from the foot of my bed. she wasn’t angry or anything, she was just merely watching me.  right now, a huge stuffed toy (which i named tiny) is lying on that part of the bed. just the other afternoon, i asked my landlady’s niece if her uncle was in the other room because i could see a man with his back  turned against me, walking around half-naked. it turned out that she was also having dreams of her long-deceased grandfather.

these and more things had been happening to me. i would not shout for fear that these spirits or creatures would get mad at me so even if my heart races and palpitates, i would simply stare, smell and run away.  i also have this mole in my left eye, which friends and close relative attribute these experiences to.  i don’t mind them, just as long as no harm comes to me.

flightless bird

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I’m a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

 this song was played at the end of the TWILIGHT movie where edward danced with bella in their prom. if im not mistaken, this was in the background when bella asked edward to make her “one of them” but, edward refused knowing that being a teenager forever is quite tiresome and boring- when you have everything, what else is there to wish and want for? immortality negates life and love’s purpose- meaning.

the music is great but the lyrics lead me nowhere. the artist sure did a hell of a job symbolizing every line. it’s like jumping from one thing to another when you listen closely to the words yet the more i listened to it, the better i came to understanding this song.

this is more like fulfilling the great american dream- leaving one’s small town to go to the city with dreams of building an established future in terms of a solid city career and of finding love’s luck as well. who wouldn’ want to go back to his hometown bringing trophies of his achievements in the big city?but, harsh as reality bites, one must be open that not everything that he hopes for will materialize. one may spend all his lifetime trying to realize his dreams but, in the end, when everything has passed him by, he can only look back and wonder if all he did was worth all that he’s got. 

08 holidays

It is tradition for the Filipino people to have close family ties. It has been a common practice, generation after generation, for families to hold reunions especially on holidays- with the members on long vacation leaves and because all are looking forward to added merriment.

i was lucky to have spent the previous holidays outside the office. me and my siblings spent the first part of xmas eve with our maternal first cousin, jinky frias in general trias, cavite and the latter part with our paternal aunt, edna guarin in las piñas city 

in las piñas, we shared the festivities with her family and that of her twin sister’s, edda cledera. we also met up with vonbar as well as his daughter, kristin. new year’s eve was spent in antipolo with aunt edda’s family. vonbar and kristin were also there along with her nanny.

we then later went with vonbar to his maternal aunt in legaspi tower of pasay. there we spent the rest of the day playing cards and getting boozed up. i had to sneak into the office knowing the guards might not let me in if they smell the not so “teen spirit” in me.

it was the first time in many years that me and my siblings spent the holidays with the above-mentioned relatives since we only moved to luzon a few years back.  rarely do i go to their houses because what little time i have left from my days off, i spend sleeping.

the xmas and new year holidays gave me and my family a means of catching up with tidbits of our daily lives as well as milestones. the food was great and the drinks were flowing, but what really made it worth our while was the bonding and what etched it in our memories were the laughter that we shared with people who are not so different from us- in terms of DNA makeup.

after all, birds of the same feather- are the same birds. haha! 
 
 

moving forward

i remember quite well when you left me.  at first i was in denial- that it was just one of those many petty quarrels that we had, that all would be well after a week or two.  but, it has been several months now that we have not and dared not patch those differences.  the first few days were OK but as weeks passed by, the pain started to kill me that i thought life would finally be knocked out of me. 

october proved to be my month of sleepless days, as i should be awake at nights…

november found me on my knees, with eyes closed and head bowed to the ground as i did not have the strength to stand up and walk away…

december seems hopeful for i can now smile and laugh as well as feel the joy and warmth that they bring my spirit…

i’m finding my way back to where and who i was before i met you. i am now the jolly and sweet candy that you have made bitter with your cold heart.  friends now call me “pokpok ” as i am back to the flirty old me.  i’ve regained the confidence that you mercilessly took away. i have met someone who has rekindled my interest in romance, which is kinda odd because her friend told me that  she is soon to be married but when i asked her, she denied all of those saying that she didn’t even have a boyfriend.  this has put me in a rather confusing situation because i am in a tug of war with indecisions- too proud to ask her out and too tired to struggle with what i feel about her.

she is “mataray”, which is why i grew interested of her.  she used to be just one of my teammates, another girl-next-door type but, hell broke loose when she angrily confronted me about my usual funny charades at the agent room.  she’s the first person to tame my temper, as joy have taunted me “mura daw kog itoy nga nagpamitok ang mga mata”.  jho advised that if she cannot be pursued, she will likely be a good friend.

i will not make the same mistake again.  i am taking my time now, building a foundation from a casual friendship.  i may not be upfront and frank about how i feel about her; i actually am not sure if what i feel is love, admiration or mere fascination.  one thing i’m sure of is i’ve met my match, my emotions are in a turmoil everytime she’s near.  i’m nasty and loud when i’m around friends but silent and meek when i face her.  i finally know how it is when you want to say something to somebody but you feel as if your throat has run dry and words just could not come out of your mouth. 

moreso, the hurt that you have made me feel is fading.  the scars are now healing.  i just hope that those have not made me feel jaded about what love is, about what loving truly means.  and my wish is that she will be the one to finally mend my broken heart.